Fever and 40 Years with Me and my ADHD

Today was a write-off. I woke up, fed the little fella breakfast and played with toys until he went to daycare. Then I felt hot and began to perspire. I wrote an e-mail to tell work colleagues that I would be off sick. I lay down thinking I'd be up in an hour at most. I slept until 3:20 PM.

It is 8:00 PM and I'm still hot. I'm going to take an ibuprofen and drink lots of water. Unless my limbs catch fire, I will make it into work tomorrow. I have lots to do and recently I haven't been able to find enough hours in the day to do it all.

My Strattera is no longer causing me traffic jams in the nether regions, if you know what I mean. I've noticed my appetite is diminished, which doesn't worry me at all. I'm remembering things better and better these days, but clutter continues to follow me. My desk at work is clutter free, but at home, piles of stuff taunt me still. But I'm not too worried about it at the moment, because I have a strange subtle feeling that this too will pass - I get the sense I am going to start tidying a lot more. Strange but true.

I remain awfully fidgety. I shake my legs - shaking as I'm typing this. But my inner thoughts are calmer. I can complete articles and read books from beginning to end. Normally I lived with more than five and fewer than ten books going at once. Now it is down to 2 at most.

For meetings and social engagements I'm on time, in fact, I'm ahead of time 9 times out of 10. Planning is improving. My executive functions appear to be improving. Go, frontal lobes, go! While I still lose objects, this is happening less and less. I'm remembering where I placed things, which is pretty cool.

Inconsistency is a hallmark of ADHD, I think. Inconsistent attention: I can attend to things really well, and become an expert in a realm. But I can't always stay with a conversation. I can have a tidy office at work, and a messy room at home. I can be super optimistic and be encouraging with friends and family. But I can feel hopeless and discouraged about my own circumstances in private.

But knowing this, and learning where to spot the inconsistencies is part of the repair work that can be done. I'm 40 now, and have spent decades learning how to live with me and my ADHD. It will take time to learn new ways, but I think I'm well on my way.

Yours thoughtfully,

Mungo

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