June 29, 2010

People Sure Are Forgetful & Meaning Flowing Retroactively & a PWIP Tattoo

I was just perusing the TotallyADD.com forums (I get notifications of new posting via my Google Reader, so I'm just seeing the latest... I'm not just sitting around wasting time, honestly!), and came across this thread about being diagnosed in one's adult life with ADHD.

I chimed in with the following:
"I've just turned 40, and was just diagnosed myself. After a few weeks on Strattera, I actually caught myself thinking yesterday "Boy, that person sure is forgetful...". Oh the delicious irony of it all.

Irvin Yalom
wrote in "Love's Executioner" about the idea of 'meaning flowing retroactively', in explaining why he enjoys working with adults and the elderly and helping them reach a new meaning in their lives - in part because he believes that it is never too late to reach a new understanding of one's life. In reaching a new understanding, the new meaning can act as a new lens or 'organizing process' to someone's past, flowing back in time and re-organizing or re-interpreting the past in a more fair and dispassionate way.

This is certainly the case for me. I consider that my diagnosis has provided me with a clarifying narrative, one that helps explain all those problems and struggles and shame filled moments and difficulties throughout my life. It in some ways acts as a salve on the pain.

I was always a late bloomer, but better now than never!

Mungo"
Today I took my Strattera in the morning, after the toddler's breakfast. I am feeling a bit dizzy, like I have spun around a few too many times on my chair, but I am not feeling messed up. That is, I feel the somatic symptoms of dizziness, but not cognitive effects of wooziness. This is a big deal, I think my body is beginning to adjust to this dosage. Excellent.

Yesterday I felt jubilant with my newly trademarked acronyms PWOP and PWIP. I have the week off on vacation (except for Friday) and was doing some house chores. One of them involved lifting a 200 lb + treadmill up the basement stairs. I had to remove the banister to do this. I couldn't drag it, so I had to use my shoulder muscles and arms to literally hoist the beast up the stairs. It was hard work. Not so much because of the weight (I am as strong as an ox) but because the awkward angles I had to negotiate, and the acrobatic positions I had to place myself in to fight gravity to wrestle the accursed mass up the stairs.

I had a few other things to complete on my 'to-do list'. From time to time during the afternoon, I would also start tidying other things, and one thing would seem to lead to another. But very quickly, my brain reminded me of the critical difference between being Productive WithOut Priority (PWOP), which this 'other things' stuff clearly was becoming, and being Productive WIth Priority (PWIP) - so I'd get back on track quickly. Perhaps I should tattoo 'PWIP' on my arm. Or even on my knuckles. That would be cool. Or on my neck. That would look wicked.

Today we're off to see a movie and have a yogurt drink or icy drink somewhere, to combat this oppressive humidity and heat. I prefer it when it rains or when it is cool.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 27, 2010

Upped my Strattera Dosage, and the Difference Between PWOP and PWIP

Well, I had thought I would be writing a post every single day of my Strattera medication regime - and that was good at the beginning, when things changed quickly, but maybe I need to review my requirements: I need a blog post for every significant milestone or happening during my Strattera dosage regime.

So - I went to my family physician on the 18th day, and this time he appeared as though he had read my file, and immediately asked me how I was doing, what sort of side-effects I was experiencing etc... He suggested a couple of things to do (re: dry mouth and re: the Con, Stip, and Ation - drink water, eat fiber, respectively). Then he upped my dose to 20 mg. I told him I get a little dozy too and he said I should consider taking it at night.

Anyway, 10 minutes later, I was out the door with an updated prescription. Basically, I'll take two 10mg capsules of Strattera daily for 4 weeks, and return for the next titration step ('uppification' of the dose).

When I filled the prescription, the pharmacist and I chatted a little. I came to the conclusion, with all the information I'd obtained from my doctor, the pharmacist, and all the reading I have done that I'm going to take it in the morning instead. That way, I'll be a) very regular in my timing, because my morning schedule is very regimented, as opposed to my evening routine, and b) I can take my SSRI and Strattera all at once, and it will be easier to remember to take it. I use a pill container marked daily for 7 days. It is very useful. I normally forget when I take pills, and that's a BAD thing. A memory aid like a labeled container helps, and costs about $3.00.

The first 2 days that I did this, I was seriously dizzy and woozy for a few hours. I had to nap. I kept having to shake my head to stay awake and get my bearings. Years ago I gave my dog a saucer full of beer, because he kept whining and demanding some (yes, that's logical). Within a minute, he'd sat down, and starting shaking his head back and forth. I now know how he felt. Note: my beagle does not have a drinking problem.

But that's since vanished. Today I felt fine. My body has adjusted. No significant changes in positive effects, other than a sense of productivity and increased sense of chronology - a more expansive sense of timing about my day, and hence a sense of improved memory and planning capabilities.

I am still prone to doing-the-next-thing-regardless-of-priority-itis, for example yesterday I went up onto the roof to caulk the brick in the chimney. Then I noticed the gutters were full of leaves, so I emptied them. Then I cleaned out the garage. Then I used my new blower (it is my birthday today!) and blew out the garage, and the yard, and the driveway. And then I broke down some large cardboard boxes and put them in the recycling bin. Then I organized my tools in the garage. Then I sat and looked at the lawn. Then I sprayed weed killer on my driveway. Then I cleaned up the garage a bit. Then I cleaned out my car. Then I went back inside, having accomplished my initial task which was caulking the roof. But at least it was the weekend, and I didn't have hugely pressing items to do. And at least I was actually productive. But the problem, as you might imagine, is that I was being Productive WithOut Priority (PWOP - I shall register this as a trademark). PWOP is funny, and alluring. PWOP tricks you into thinking you're doing something normal and good. I mean, if I were slashing tires, robbing banks and pickpocketing tourists, that would be bad, but what is wrong with cleaning out the gutters and preparing the recycling? Well, the only thing is the timing. There are higher priority items I could have been doing with my time.

Gotta remember that. PWOP is an easy trap to fall into when you are afflicted with nasty ADHD. I need to remember to be PWIP (Productive WIth Priority), and not PWOP.

On that note, have a wonderfully PWIPpy evening- I shall try to do the same.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 26, 2010

I Will Catch Up With Strattera Updates - Nature in the Meantime

I will catch up with my Strattera progress updates, suffice to say, I have had my dose upped, and it makes me feel quite woozy... but it is going well.

In the meantime, please see some more of my nature adventures!


Last week I made a quick drive at lunch time to Whitchurch Conservation Park to take a few photos.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
I was trying to find out what kind of bird this one was, and I came across this amazing resource online, a listing of all Ontario birds, along with small thumbnails of each one. This is an Indigo Bunting (Passerina cyanea). It often migrates by night, using the stars to navigate. Read more about Indigo Buntings on Wikipedia.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Butterfly with an eye on its wing.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Honey bee feasting on nectar from the flower pod on top of a second year growth of the biennial Mullein plant. Biennial plants will form the rosette flower the first year, and the stem emerges on the second year. With Mullein, you can eat the root in the first year, but it loses starches and gets quite fibrous in the second year.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Lily pads in the pond scattered across the surface.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
It appears that the tadpoles from my last visit have turned into little green frogs. This fellow and all of his friends were no more than an inch long. Bait sized...

Whitchurch Conservation Park
The pond is quite shallow and the bottom is densely covered in weeds - perfect hiding places for small fishies and beasties. As I watched the banks, I was half-hoping to see a bear or some deer arrive for a drink or a swim about. Then I thought about what might happen if I saw a black bear. I figured I'd switch my camera onto the movie mode, and take some nice images of the bear, and then quickly recite my last will and testament. I know - that's dramatic. I know - just stand up, appear as a biped, shout, don't stare in its eyes, look 'in charge' and if push comes to shove, use my knife and fight for my life. Karate, or plain knuckle punching, eye-gouging, stab fighting. I have watched a few videos on Philipino knife fighting techniques. I hope they work on bears who try to eat me.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
One of many fish filling the pond - this one was bigger than most, but still only about 2 inches long. I'm hoping someone can help me identify this little fellow.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Grassy verge overlooking the pond, just outside of the woods. No-one was there. I fell asleep for an hour under my blanket.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Dragonfly eating from the tiny white flowers of a Narrow Leaf Plantain.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
The same Indigo Bunting (Passerina cyanea) kept hopping from branch to branch, apparently trying to impress a female Indigo Bunting with brown plumage. He sure had it going on.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Mayweed, or Stinking Chamomile (Anthemis cotula) flowers covered the clearing by the pond.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Clouds in the sky

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Bright yellow flowers, identification pending, in amongst white Mayweed, or Stinking Chamomile (Anthemis cotula) flowers.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Dragonfly sitting on the stalk of a Narrow Leaf Plantain

Whitchurch Conservation Park
White flowered Yarrow.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Horse Tail.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Wild Mint.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Some kind of moth having some nectar from a Mayweed, or Stinking Chamomile (Anthemis cotula) flower.

Whitchurch Conservation Park
Some kind of moth climbing about on a plant.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 24, 2010

Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • Study shows no growth stunting in ADHD medicated children. | ADDventures Of Motherhood ow.ly/21htI
  • A Depressing Spiral Back to Normal « Addled ow.ly/21hvg
  • ADD'ing it all up: Well, is it real or isn't it? ow.ly/21hws
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 18 on Strattera - To The Doctor's for a Followup and Titration Up of Strattera - Side Effec... ow.ly/17Pjx4
  • RT @EdgeFdn: Hat tip to @petequily who pointed me in the direction for research on ADHD & gambling bit.ly/aoAePG
  • Challenges of Having Adult Attention Deficit Disorder ow.ly/21uyw
  • ADHD Roller Coaster: "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?" · Where to Purchase "You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? ow.ly/21v2p
  • My Inattentive Life: Ritalin--One Week, and I feel AWESOME. ow.ly/21YZw
  • ADD'ing it all up: bonus - ow.ly/22uIT
  • ADD'ing it all up: for my wife - ow.ly/22uJ8
  • William Glasser and Positive Addiction Theory | ADHD In Focus ow.ly/22uJY
  • ADD'ing it all up: rendered - ow.ly/22uKm

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 21, 2010

To The Doctor's for a Followup and Titration Up of Strattera - Side Effect and Positive Effect Review

This afternoon I have my next appointment with my family physician, a follow up to my initial prescription of Strattera at the starting dose of 10mg daily.

I hope it goes well. And by well, I hope he increases my dose and carefully listens to my feedback and observations. I will keep them short, as follows:

My side-effects with Strattera have been tolerable. Dry mouth, which I have remedied with sipping on water. Brilliant, eh? And constipation, which I remedied with Metamucil (non-soluble fiber), and finally with Lactalose, a synthetically combined galactose-sucrose sugar in a syrupy form which acts as a laxative. I used that once and it worked well. I'm now back and regular and my insides are operating smoothly. You may now all cheer in unison.

Go ahead.

Please, cheer - I'll wait for a minute.

Okay, thanks - that was great!

My positive effects in the short time I've been taking it - as far as I can deduce - have been subtle and mild: working memory improvements (staying on task, returning to task, less forgetting and misplacing), I am calmer around people - but this might be the clonazepam or maybe less anxiety because I am not forgetting stuff and misplacing stuff and able to get things done and am not anticipating bad outcomes from it all). Also, I think I have been more productive (appropriately so) and less perseverative and hyperfocused on inappropriate tasks - i.e. better sense of priorities.

He'll either understand or he won't. Hope he does.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent, albeit brief set of Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • ADD'ing it all up: Forget the eraser, try the edit key. ow.ly/20nbZ
  • When Your Mind Wanders, Your Eyes Blink ow.ly/20Wo1
  • This Is Your Brain On Zen - Experienced Meditators Recover More Quickly ow.ly/20Woc

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 20, 2010

Doctor's Apppointment, but First: BBQ Pool Party

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment - a follow up to when he gave me the prescription for Strattera. Today was a nice day, relaxing and tiring at the same time. My wife and little boy and I went to a friend's house where we swam in their pool and had a BBQ for lunch. Little James floated about in an inflatable pool toy with a nonplussed expression on his face. He didn't seem too impressed. He preferred playing on the grass, picking up leaves and sticks.

I am aware that I can be impulsive in conversations, but I think I was appropriately witty and appropriately rude at the appropriate times. They did seem to laugh at my dry witticisms, and didn't look nervous at all.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 19, 2010

Birthday Party Time! Strattera Effects

This Saturday my wife held a birthday party for me (which is on the 27th of this month, but we planned ahead) for my 40th birthday. It was great. Family and friends came over and we all chatted and ate food that my wife had arranged to be catered. It was a wonderful party, and our little boy seemed to enjoy all the people being around.

I received some wonderful and very unexpected gifts, and this made me feel like a very lucky guy. The best part of all was being with people I love and admire and care about.

It was nice being around everyone feeling like I could follow conversations for a long time - I really am getting some positive effects from the Strattera - being able to attend for a longer time to conversations in group situations.

At the end, I put away beer bottles and tidied up wine glasses. Now we have bottles of wine and a couple cases of beer sitting around. My wife never drank, and since last November, I don't drink. So now I'm not sure what to do with the booze. Bigger problems have come along in my lifetime, so I'm sure we'll figure something out. Probably have people over and force them to drink or bring it as presents. Maybe I'll give some to my neighbour.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 18, 2010

Day 15 on Strattera - A Busy Friday - Muchly Organized

This will be short. I had a busy Friday at work. I had been reading about Pattern Planning and so I made a few more recurring appointments in my work calendar to standardize typical tasks I need to do. I also created a work book specifically for my one-on-ones with my group so that it was broken out into 19 sections - one for each report. That way I can keep my notes organized.

I also created a couple of templates for various repetitive meetings which I hold, so that I will be consistent from meeting to meeting with the questions I ask, and with the feedback I expect to hear.

Because ADHD effects one's sense of timing, and ability to organize and plan ahead, by implementing this sort of proactive creation of patterns, I am using external methods to organize my internal life.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:

  • PBS - frontline: medicating kids: adhd: the evolution of a disorder ow.ly/1ZUb2
  • PBS - frontline: medicating kids: adhd: what happens to adhd kids? ow.ly/1ZUdm
  • Development and Neurobiology: Norepinephrine Has a Critical Modulatory Influence on Prefrontal Cortical Function ow.ly/1ZUed
  • Social Skills in Adults with AD/HD (WWK15) ow.ly/1ZUgC
  • Interacting with Others: Tips for Adults with AD/HD (WWK 15 short version) ow.ly/1ZUh6
  • Marriage and Partnerships ow.ly/1ZUib
  • What's it like to have AD/HD? ow.ly/1ZUlA
  • Articles on ADD and/or Addictions ow.ly/1ZUuD
  • The Health and Wellness Series = Healthy Body, Healthy Mind.com ow.ly/1ZUuZ
  • Not Just For Kids Anymore ow.ly/1ZUvC
  • Myths About ADD/ADHD ow.ly/1ZUvS
  • AD/HD and Stimulant Medication Abuse ow.ly/1ZUwS
  • ADHD Articles and News - Hypersensitivity ow.ly/1ZUyo
  • ADHD Articles and News - Alcohol and other addictions ow.ly/1ZUyJ
  • ADHD Articles and News - Eating disorders, self-medicating with food ow.ly/1ZUyW
  • Eight Ways to Handle Impulsivity ow.ly/1ZUzj
  • AD/HD Co-Morbidity ow.ly/1ZUzz
  • Why Is It So Hard To Let Go Of All That Stuff? ow.ly/1ZUzQ
  • Using a Day Planner as a Life Planner ow.ly/1ZUA8
  • Gee Whiz, I Missed It Again ow.ly/1ZUAn
  • Transition Tips ow.ly/1ZUAN
  • Honey, I Burned The Cake...Again: Profile of an Inattentive ADD Woman ow.ly/1ZUBd
  • ADHD and Relationships: Communication is the Key / The A.D.D. Center ow.ly/1ZUC9
  • How Adult ADHD Affects Relationships: Strategies for Coping ow.ly/1ZUCQ
  • Solutions for Intimacy Problems for Adults with ADHD ow.ly/1ZUDc
  • ADD/ADHD Information Sheets - How a Partner's Untreated Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity (ADHD) Affects Relationships ow.ly/1ZUDS
  • Marriage and AD/HD: A Couple's Survival Guide (PDF Document) ow.ly/1ZUEQ
  • Ways In Which ADD Undermines Relationships (PDF Document) ow.ly/1ZUG1
  • Brain Imaging Data of ADHD - Psychiatric Times ow.ly/1ZUHR
  • Brain Scans Reveal Physiology of ADHD — Psychiatric News ow.ly/1ZUIw
  • Adult ADHD - Google Scholar Search ow.ly/1ZV4W
  • So I Married an ADDer: For Partners of People with AD/HD: WTF Are You Talking About? ow.ly/204Sx
  • ADD'ing it all up: so what? ow.ly/204SQ
  • Time for something different « Addled ow.ly/204T8
  • Coach Nancy: Getting There from Here: Easing Transitions with ADHD ow.ly/204TW

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 17, 2010

On Strattera I am Tired, I am Weary

I'm finding I am remembering to get things done more. I am getting more things done, and find myself in 'getting things done' mode a lot more than prior to the medication. But I believe that once the dose is increased, I will see a lot more positive and certain effects. I have my appointment on Monday afternoon for the next titrating level of Strattera.

Last night I went to bed late, so got a good 4 1/2 hours of sleep. Tonight I will go to bed much earlier. As Lou Reed of the Velvet Underground drones in Venus in Furs:
"I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears "

Cheers,

Mungo

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Where Mungo Goes on a Low Stimulus Hike to Restore His Brain's Balance

In a previous post, I mentioned that my hobby of hiking and camping is a good way of helping to manage ADHD symptoms - relaxing and allowing oneself to settle and de-stress.
"[...] ADHDers are 'stimulus junkies' and engage in high-stimulus activities just to keep that ol' epinephrine flowing through our executive-function fulfilling frontal lobes. That's all very well and good, but the downside to that is that the brain has a series of looped connections which ensure homeostasis - i.e. balance. And if one part of the brain is full-on stimulated, then the looped in portions join in. And our limbic system, the seat of our primitive motivations, like sex, hunger, anger, fight or flight, etc... are connected and affected in ADHDers.

Our limbic system when turned on high causes stress hormones to be released, resulting in sympathetic nervous system stimulation. Our immune system (macrophages, white blood cells, and all the T-cells and bits and pieces that comprise our bodily defense system against both external threats like infection, and internal threats like heart disease, abnormal cell growth, gastrointestinal disorders, auto-immune problems like lupus, some arthritis, and perhaps chronic fatigue syndrome) becomes suppressed. We get sick. We get worn out. And the the vicious spiral continues until we fall over with a loud thunk, or find a way to relax."
I was reading "Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood" more a couple of nights ago, and came across this section that discusses stimulant medication (and this explanation is also applicable to the action of the NRI or selective Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor medication Strattera) and an etiological theory of ADHD:
"One of the first attempts to unite the effects of the stimulants with what we know about the brain was made by C. Kornetsky, who in 1970 proposed the Catecholamine Hypothesis of Hyperactivity. Catecholamines are a class of compounds that includes the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine. Since the stimulants affect the norepinephrine and dopamine neurotransmitter systems by increasing the amount of these neurotransmitters, Kornetsky concluded that ADD possibly was caused by an underproduction or underutilization of these neurotransmitters. Although this hypothesis is still tenable, biochemical studies and clinical tests of neurotransmitter metabolites in urine over the past two decades have not been able to document the specific role of the catecholamines in ADD.

No single neurotransmitter system may be the sole regulator of ADD. Neurons can convert dopamine into norepinephrine. Many of the drugs that act on the catecholamines act on serotonin. Some of the drugs that act on serotonin can act on norepinephrine and dopamine. And we can't rule out the role of other neurotransmitters like GABA (gamma amino butyric acid), which have showed up in some biochemical studies. The most likely possibility is that the effect of dopamine and norepinephrine and serotonin is key and drugs that alter these neurotransmitters will have the most telling effect on the symptomatology of ADD.

So can we say that ADD is a chemical imbalance? Like most questions in psychiatry, the answer is yes and then again no. No, we have not found a good way to measure the specific imbalances in the neurotransmitter systems that may be responsible for the ADD. But yes, there is enough evidence that neurochemical systems are altered in people with ADD to state that the problem derives from the chemistry of the brain. Most likely, it is a dysregulation along the catecholamine-serotonin axis, a dance where one misstep by one partner creates a misstep by the other, which creates another misstep by the first. Before they know it, these dance partners are out of step not just with each other but with the music--and who is to say how it happened? "
So this past weekend, my friend Matt and I went for a hike down into the valley woods near my home. We brought backpacks and supplies for a quick lunch. Matt brought his camera, and took all of these pictures... Once you have viewed these pictures, please remit a royalty check in the amount of $12.50 to him immediately. He will appreciate it.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I pointed out plants wherever I could. I'd be a lot of fun at a cocktail party. If they had wild plants about. That is. This is a jumble of Yellow Wood Sorrel that I forced Matt to consume.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I don't know what this fungus is, and I don't have my mushroom book with me, so I'll update this post once I figure it out. All I know is that it looked really interesting.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Also, I am jealous of Matt's camera. It is a big ol' Canon DSLR. It takes some nice pictures, with his assistance, of course. He pushes the shutter-release button and aims the lens in the right direction.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I was mildly terrified when I realized that the rotten wood upon which the fungus was feasting was completely occupied (infested) by ravenous, pissed off Red Ants. I was bitten or stung by one last year and it hurt and burned for ages.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I rapidly dusted off my arms and inspected my shirt carefully lest one of them decide to crawl down my collar and express its disdain of bipeds. Ants are really interesting. I don't know much about them. Maybe I'll learn more about them. In the (winner of most unfortunately pronounced acronym of a journal of the year award - think about it) 'Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences' journal, there is an article that says this:
"Ants are arguably the greatest success story in the history of terrestrial metazoa. On average, ants monopolize 15–20% of the terrestrial animal biomass, and in tropical regions where ants are especially abundant, they monopolize 25% or more. But ants did not always run the world. They do not appear in the fossil record until the mid-Cretaceous, and for more than the first half of their history—a period spanning 60 to 80 million years—ants occupied a relatively modest position in the terrestrial biosphere."
Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Here is a picture of me making tea. I like milk and sugar in my tea, so I made a small bag containing half and half milk powder and sugar. I thought that was very clever of me.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Here I am again. I'm situated close to our fire, and our pile of birch wood. I am using a ferrocerium rod to light my Trangia alcohol stove.

A funny thing happened. (Normally when you come across that phrase, you should expect to hear that something not so funny occurred. In order to remain consistent with other writers - as I shall refer to myself - I will ensure that you are not surprised.) I had filled up my aluminum pot and placed it on my Trangia stove, and walked away to get some dried pine branches to get the fire going. Matt said 'Hey, your water is boiling...'. I looked over and indeed, much to my non-surprise, steam was bubbling out of the lid. So I replied 'Yeah, it is', and sat down to make my tea (This is not the exciting part of the story, as you can probably surmise by the casual tone of the conversation).

Here is the exciting part of the story:

As I prepared my little pot-gripper - the one that came with the mini Trangia kit - the steam that bubbled out from the lid became intermingled with little licks of blue and orange flame. I tilted my head like a dog, trying to figure out what was happening. Matt looked at it too and I looked at him and he looked at me and he looked confused. Then in an instant, I realized that I had brought the wrong Nalgene bottle with me on the hike. Not the one full of cool water for drinking and for cooking, but rather the one I had filled with methanol for my stove, and had intended to label 'Poison - Methyl Alcohol Stove Fuel'. I had a pot full of rapidly boiling stove fuel in front of me. I took the lid off and it flared up. But not like white naphtha gas would have, and I quickly dumped it on the ground where the fire was.

So I learned the following: Store fuel in a Nalgene bottle if you must, but always label it. It is a good thing that I didn't take a swig from it, as I was thinking I might, just as I was filling my pot full of fuel. That would have been a bad thing. And don't use a permanent ink pen to label your bottle directly, as methanol dissolves the ink, leaving you in the same vulnerable situation... wrap your bottle with duct tape to distinguish it from your food and water bottles. Word to the wise...

Okay, so it wasn't that exciting, but still... it was exciting in the moment.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I brought a pouch of ready-made rice with me for a bite. They're great, but already have the water in it, so not great for light-weight trekking. Matt had a bottle of hot sauce. I followed his lead and liberally applied it to my meal. It was good and fiery hot, like a pot of boiling stove fuel.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I have a hat.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I have a Mora knife in a neck sheath.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
A good campfire is a good antidote for the pains of living and working.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
This unknown flowering ground vine looks nice. It tangled around our feet as we walked toward the woods from the river.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
In an image reminiscent of Patterson's Bigfoot footage, here I am walking away to get more fuel for the fire. And not as in 'boiling vat of stove fuel' fuel. But wood fuel.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I had never seen the river so full and fast before. It had rained earlier that day, and maybe there had been a lot of rain up north... the beach I normally wander out onto was completely immersed. Amazing.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Here I am being amazed by the river.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Here I am on the river path.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Here I am maniacally smiling on the river path.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
I like my thrift shop backsack.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
After a good walk about, we returned to my home. It was getting hot by then, so I removed my hat. Here is that exact moment captured on film when that happened.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
If I were President, I would have a photographer follow me around and take photos of me when I was walking about, just pondering things. As in the photograph above.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
When we arrived back, my little boy James was wearing his Hot Dog T-Shirt. He was very happy.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Monty the Beagle was happy to see his Uncle Matt. He too had a maniacal smile.

Hike in the Valley - June 12, 2010
Finally, this post ends with a macro image of Jame's favourite drink coaster, which he considers to be a wonderful toy.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • Guest Post – My Secret Love of Egg Timers | Time Management Ninja ow.ly/1Zbga
  • RT @PeterBrownPsy: Cognitive Neuroscience of Mindfulness Meditation | Psychologist ... bit.ly/bTVBHo #mindfulness
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD ow.ly/17Ld5f
  • In The Park - a set on Flickr ow.ly/1ZzIc
  • A Walk in the Neighbourhood Early in the Morning - a set on Flickr ow.ly/1ZzMv
  • Fluidr / mungobah's "A Walk in the Park" set ow.ly/1ZzNf
  • Pinball Cognition: Running Out of Rage ow.ly/1ZzUy
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 13 on Strattera - Possible Working Memory & Attentional Improvements - Plus a More Sensitiv... ow.ly/17LQlM
  • Keyword Search | ADDitude: Information on Attention Deficit Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment, Parenting and More ow.ly/1ZAZQ

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 16, 2010

Possible Working Memory & Attentional Improvements - Plus a More Sensitive BS Detector

It is the 13th day that I have been taking Strattera. I can say now that my attention has improved. That is, I can stay on track in meetings and on task for longer than normal. What is interesting, I think, is that I still get distracted (well, I guess we all do), but being distracted no longer means I completely change track. It is no longer unconscious or out of my conscious control - I notice that I have become distracted and note it, and say 'hmmm' to myself and dismiss the distraction. It is almost like I'm annoyed at the distractions and say 'shh!', and fret my brow and get back to intensely paying attention to whatever I was doing.

At the same time, I'm beginning to notice more and more interpersonal gambits folks use with me. That is, my bullshit detector has become more sensitive and capable. I am in a lot of meetings with folks where I work, and I seem to be able to detect red herrings and internal inconsistencies and logical fallacies much more than before, I believe. This might be due to me no longer becoming distracted by logical fallacies like argumentum ad hominem, changing the argument, straw man fallacies, red herrings, category errors, causal fallacies, especially any of the changes of subject or fallacies of distraction - and the rest of the dialectical tricks used to keep me from getting to the facts and matters at hand.

In a way, I guess my ability to pay attention for a longer, more consistent time is somewhat similar to typical ADHD 'hyper-focus' perseveration (an inappropriate maintaining of focus on something), except that I am aware of time limits, and the causality and flow of time during these efforts - and therefore I am able to appropriately move on when the time is right. The sense of time limits, causality and the flow of time is intrinsic to working memory, and I wonder if my working memory is really the main thing that I notice is improving. No longer do my experiences feel as disjointed, always 'in the now' and therefore disconnected. Now I sense a more distinct timeline - of past and present and future when I am going about my daily life.

Anyway - it is too late for me so I won't keep typing. I have to go to sleep. Our little boy will wake up at 5:00 like he does every morning, and I need my beauty sleep.

I'm outta here.

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • ADD'ing it all up: Mixing business with pleasure ow.ly/1YFwF
  • AddingItAllUp ow.ly/1YFxm
  • 4 Quick and Dirty ADHD-Friendly Ways to Get on Top of Email | ADDaboy! - HealthyPlace ow.ly/1YNCd
  • RT @TheADHDChef: Does someone in YOUR LIFE have ADHD? Buy a them a book and get one for yourself! theadhdchef.com/bookstore/
  • RT @nonfiction_book: Life at the Edge: Living With ADHD and Asperger Syndrome - by Jan Greenman amzn.to/9kq2dY
  • Vyvanse effective for teens with ADHD ow.ly/1YSYo
  • Ten Minutes to Go | T ime Management Ninja ow.ly/1YSZB
  • Targacept Initiates Phase 2 Study Of TC-5619 In Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder In Adults ow.ly/1YT2P
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 12 on Strattera - Productivity, and Pattern Planning Strategies ow.ly/17KRM9
  • The Neuroscience of ADHD : Retrospectacle: A Neuroscience Blog ow.ly/1Z2yS
  • On Washing your Fruit: ADHD and Pesticides : Neurotopia ow.ly/1Z2As

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 15, 2010

Productivity, and Pattern Planning Strategies

Today was a jam-packed day. I was suffering from a fever and the remnants of a virus that I got over the weekend, and so I stayed home from work. After some resting in the morning, I was beset with a feeling, almost a challenge to myself, to get a few things done. Today was going to be a productive day.

So I:

  1. Ran two loads of dishes through the dishwasher
  2. Cleaned the kitchen
  3. Caulked the basement bathroom floor boards with silicone caulk
  4. Took out the recycling and garbage
  5. Folded towels and put them away
  6. Tidied and vacuumed baby's playroom
  7. Vacuumed main floor with hand vacuum
  8. Put clothes, and old bed sheets & blankets for donation into a bag, and into my car to bring to the thrift shop tomorrow
  9. Reduced the piles of washed laundry on my sofa and folded many of them and put them away in drawers
  10. Folded blankets and stored them away in storage room
  11. Made and baked a meatloaf for the little boy's dinners - he loves peas and carrots and meatloaf
  12. Set garage door security system and saved password instructions safely
  13. Washed dog blankets and coverings from dog's bed in the laundry
  14. Remade the pooch's bed
  15. Attached a Baby on Board sticker in the back window of my car
  16. Deodorized and cleaned several pairs of shoes
  17. Tidied and vacuumed the main area of my basement office (this was a gargantuan task - I have been meaning to tidy this for months - still about 30% left to go, but damn!)
  18. Set up a basement bookshelf for my books. I normally take books out of our upstairs library and they end up piled up all over around my desk. I realized that a shelf contained items that hadn't moved in a couple of years, so I put them to the side onto another disused shelf and took over the desk shelf with my books. I'll cycle them in and out from the library upstairs, but at least now I have a decluttering solution for my books!
  19. Phoned to confirm time of my next doctor's appointment
  20. Implemented some pattern planning to organize my life in the future
Let me write a little bit about 'Pattern Planning' as it is called and described by Drs. Hallowell and Ratey in Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood.

In Chapter 8, entitled What Can You Do About [a diagnosis of ADHD] - The Treatment of ADD, several strategies and treatment principles are described. Education, Therapy, Coaching, Medication are several methods - and so is implementing Structure.
"By taking ADD into account and trying to get rid of long-held negative perceptions of oneself, one rethinks or reshapes one's self-image; this is the internal restructuring. And one rearranges the nuts and bolts of one's daily life, setting up means of improved organization and control; this is the external restructuring.
[...]
The ADD mind is like spilled mercury, running and beading. Structure is the vessel needed to contain the mercury of the ADD mind, to keep it from being here and there and everywhere all at once. Structure allows the ADD mind to be put to best use, rather than dissipating itself like so many tiny beads of mercury on the floor.
[...]
We particularly recommend a scheme of reorganizing one's life that we call pattern planning. This system of time management operates on the same principle as automatic withdrawals from your bank account: by making the withdrawals (of money or time) from your account automatic, you don't have to plan them every time; they just happen. You plug certain regular appointments or obligations into the pattern of your week so you attend to them automatically. This frees up your limited planning time to focus on other activities. Simple in its conception, pattern planning can reduces the stress of planning one's life considerably.
[...]
It is easy to set up. You start by making a list of of all the regular tasks, obligations, and appointments that you have every week - your fixed-time expenditures, so to speak. You then make a grid of your week on a calendar or appointment book and plug each fixed obligation into a regular time slot.
[...]
Before you know it, these regular appointments take root in your subconscious.
[...]
Through the use of pattern planning you can streamline your life considerable. It is remarkable how much mental energy the planning of these humdrum, everyday task can take, and how easy pattern planning can make them."
I really highly recommend this book. It is one of the vital books you need to have if you have a diagnosis or suspect you have Adult ADHD.

I use Google Calendar to organize appointments, and use it for pattern planning. Or at least my first steps of pattern planning. I highly recommend it. It can e-mail you alerts leading up to an event, and helps you set up reoccurring events easily.

Day 12 on Strattera seems to have helped me find a way to be productive. It was hard, staying at it, remaining on tasks for hours at a time, but it was a conscious trouble - I would from time to time stare at the mess and shake my head, but I didn't suddenly become distracted and then find myself doing something entirely different. I kept at it. It was as though the struggle became conscious and obvious and using all the skills I have learned in my life, I was able to take on this challenge. A most interesting experience.

I will be going to bed early tonight - I am pretty much wiped out and need to be ready for work tomorrow. I see on my BlackBerry that I have a lot of e-mails to follow up on, and a management meeting to prepare for, along with a few other meetings which will need my full attention and sober focus.

Hope you had a good day.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • ADD'ing it all up: monday morning mishmosh ow.ly/1Y8vh
  • ADD'ing it all up: Murphy schmurphy ow.ly/1Y8vD
  • How I fight ADHD © Amalia Zents: Daily Tip: Do what you have to do to make it through. ow.ly/1Y8wU
  • ADD Consults Store ow.ly/1YbIm
  • 18 Channels - my ADHD colored life...: But do you LIKE me? ow.ly/1Ycmg
  • My Inattentive Life: Ritalin--day one ow.ly/1YkTT
  • Stop Procrastination from Interfering – Don't Wait! - ADHD Coach ow.ly/1Ylpj
  • Jessie's ADD Journey: Appointment Set ow.ly/1YwTs

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 14, 2010

Planned an Unstoppable Decluttering, Processed Paperwork, and Yes: Drank More Metamucil.

Today I processed a herd of work-related paperwork, and updated my work to-do list. I also went on a phone journey, guided by a set of e-mails I had marked as 'to do' e-mails. I found that by phoning, I was able to get a lot of them done, by responding in person. I was able to clarify, ask questions, see if the item was still a concern etcetera. Phones are useful that way. I should use them more often.

I planned on decluttering my basement office room. My plan was to start off by making a small area for sorting: assembling several construction-grade garbage bags so that I could a) throw out stuff, b) donate stuff, and c) prepare clothes and blankets for washing or folding and putting away etcetera. Suffice it to say, it did not come to pass. The evening went by like a low-flying sparrow just missing your head.

I used to say that clutter made me feel comfortable, like a nice comfy nest. Now I realize I had been deluding myself for years. I cluttered and did not like the clutter. I was unable to not clutter in the first place. This is a big symptom of my ADHD. I put stuff down and get distracted. Soon the piles are intimidatingly hefty. They watch me as I walk by and taunt me. I get bummed out. And soon learn to selectively 'not see them'. They thrive, and form their own little collective city-states, with basic services, standing armies, and some basic agriculture. They then become quite difficult to conquer.

So tomorrow - having made a plan - I will begin in chunks. Perhaps it was unreasonable for me to expect to get it all done in one go.

I guess I should expect to have some good days and some bad days. I was productive, I'll say that. And forgetting items wasn't as pronounced today as it has been. But I am now at the point that I am looking forward to my next doctor's appointment when he will start (well, he'd better) titrating the dosage of Strattera. Titration is the process where you gradually add something to a mixture until some kind of endpoint is reached - in chemistry class, it was when the fluid suddenly turned blue (because the threshold pH level had been achieved) - but in the case of pharmacology, titration is the effort to gradually raise the dosage of a medication until you reach the optimal dose of medication - one in which daily function is significantly improved and side effects are minimized.

You might have thought this blog post would stop just about here. But look at the title. It mentions something about Metamucil. I drank some more, after two days of all-quiet-on-the-western-front. Nothing is happening. NOTHING. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. My fear is that I will be whistling a tune, driving to work on the highway tomorrow morning, wondering about the difference between Coke and Pepsi, when all of a sudden I will vanish in an explosion that leaves the radio announcer crying "Oh the humanity, the humanity". I will leave the details out.

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an expert on laxatives. But I think something ought to happen at some point. But the good news is that other than a little bit of dry mouth at times, the side-effect are not really all that negative. I guess the immature side of me just likes to prattle on about poop (or lack thereof).

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • ADD-Libbing: You can't be a writer unless you write, and other statements of the obvious sort. ow.ly/1XX0s
  • Studying with ADHD/hyperactivity ow.ly/1XX71
  • Jacqueline Sinfield :: The ADHD Coach for Adults And author of 'Untapped Brilliance' ow.ly/1XXac
  • Married to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., Sue George Hallowell, LICSW, Melissa Orlov - Read an Excerpt ow.ly/1XXbO
  • Pills Don't Teach Skills » Mmmmmmmm……Fish Oil ow.ly/1XXio
  • Pills Don't Teach Skills » Accentuate The Positive ow.ly/1XXiW

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 13, 2010

Day 10 on Strattera - Burst of Energy, Got Lots Done. Drank Metamucil.

Today was my 10th day on Strattera - at 10mg daily. It isn't working very much yet on my memory - I keep forgetting what I was supposed to be doing, and kept returning to locations without having done what I'd started off to do... Or maybe it is that I am more and more aware of this habit of mine. To think that I've been doing this most of my life without being aware of it. Holy crap.

But I suppose I need to listen to my own counsel and be patient - and keep with it.

While my wife and little toddler went out today, I got some chores done:
  1. Half-mowed the lawn (lawnmower kept sputtering - I think there is water in the fuel, so I added some methanol to absorb it overnight) - I'll finish it off tomorrow
  2. Cleaned kitchen
  3. Did dishes
  4. Drank orange flavoured Metamucil fiber powder in cold water to keep my ol' system running smoothly - my primary side-effect while taking Strattera is akin to what happens when only one escalator out of three is working at the top of the subway platform and it is rush hour and everyone is trying to go down the same escalator and of course things get rather congested and someone hits the red button at the top of the escalator stopping the device and compacting the pedestrian erstwhile commuters and then you have to telephone the Metamucil man - ifyouknowwhatImeanbecauseifnotreaditagain
  5. Put up veranda tarpaulin in backyard
  6. Dug out compost heap and put some nice aged dark compost on front lawn to fill in an open spot in the grass
  7. Cemented a loose flagstone in the front pathway into place, and chinked in some broken gaps with mortar cement.
  8. Did two loads of laundry, and folded towels and put them away
  9. Took the winter insulating blankets off of the dog's indoor tent which serves as his bed - something I've been thinking to do for ages - he will thank me
  10. Cleaned toilets in the house with scrub brush - awfully satisfying
  11. Put out garbage - not all that satisfying
  12. Edited a host of new photographs for my camping blog and created a draft post - will write text tomorrow
  13. Posted yesterday's entry on this blog (I was too bagged after the hike yesterday to write one) and on my military intelligence news aggregation blog
  14. Organized the baby dishes section of the kitchen
  15. Stuck to my diet
  16. Vacuumed the house with our amazing new hand vacuum cleaner to get rid of obvious dust and bits and pieces
  17. Dug out weeds in the garden, the nasty spiky ones I've been meaning to deal with for months - nasty spiky things
  18. Played my guitar and recorded some of it on my camera, hoping that a blues record label will pick me up and make me a bazillionaire - a pipe dream given my lack of range and paucity of talent
  19. Read some of a book on relationships (ADHD can wreak havoc in marriages)
  20. Cleaned out the gutters in the front of the house
  21. Got a big splinter in my finger and unsuccessfully tried to carve it out with a Swedish carbon-steel hunting knife I use for camping
  22. Put a band-aid on my finger to fix the small hole I made to remove the splinter which is still there
  23. Updated my to-do list in my personal carry-around notebook, bringing past entries forward and making sure I did a brain dump to update it
  24. ...and a few other miscellaneous things that make up a normal Sunday, including feeding the toddler, bathing the little monkey, and lulling him to sleep with some ingenious and highly sophisticated songs about things like tummies and ears and chickens and parks and anything else that came to mind, along with a bottle of milk
Come to think of it, I did a lot of things today. But I still have a lot on my to-do list to get crossed out. I wish I had a day off this week to keep on crossing off items like I did today.

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 12, 2010

Went for a Hike as a bit of Nature Therapy

I went for a hike in woods in a valley behind our house on Saturday afternoon with a buddy. It was fun - we had a fire, and ate some food over our camping stoves. It was a fairly quiet day.

My weekends are not very structured, and I wonder if this is something I might consider to help me manage some of my symptoms. I mean, it is the weekend, so most people would say 'just kick back and relax, maybe get some home chores done whenever', but I'm not sure if that's right for me.

Maybe a schedule of some kind or at least a checklist that would ensure I get the right things done. For example on Sunday, I'd need to iron some shirts for the work days ahead, and prepare lunches etc...

Anyway - hope you're having a good weekend.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

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Cheers,

Mungo

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June 11, 2010

How To Make Diamonds In Your Lower Digestive Tract - Writing & Reading

I'll keep this nice and short. I have been sitting in the backyard reading and watching birds with my binoculars this evening. The beagle has been wandering about burying, digging up and re-burying a bone. He finally consumed it.

Today I had another round of one-on-one performance evaluation meetings with my staff, and found my focus was exceptional. Then spending time writing up my notes afterward worked out well also. I wasn't all over the place, up and down, left and right. If Strattera is helping now, or if this is what I am to expect to a much greater degree - then I am preparing a big thumb's up for Strattera.

The side effect that is bothering me is my lower digestive system compressing certain by-products of my digestion with such pressure and heat that I think I may be forming diamonds in my colon. While this may benefit me in the long run (diamond prices are high at the moment), it is a bit uncomfortable. Time to up my fiber in my diet. These stool softeners are not doing the job. Sorry. I felt uncomfortable writing that, I can only imagine how uncomfortable you are feeling right now, having read it and trying to shake the imagery I've implanted in your mind.

Have a good night - it is FRIDAY!!!

Cheers,

Mungo

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Commentary & Notes About How Fast Strattera Takes Effect

I thought a comment trail on a recent post was really noteworthy. I am repeating it below because it echoes something I've been thinking about as I have been reporting on my course of treatment with Strattera:
Reader Comment:

"I thought that unlike stimulants, Strattera did not take effect until after a few weeks. Do you have any comment on that from research or what your prescriber has told you?"

Mungo's Reply:

"Yes, that's my understanding that it doesn't [generally] really work for a few weeks. I am noticing something, and I'd likely attribute it to either (or some) of the following:
  1. a cognitive bias i.e. I'm looking for something and seeing it and disregarding other contradicting evidence
  2. there is a small effect at first which will vanish before the normally therapeutic effect takes place once the neurotransmitter and loop equilibrium effects establish themselves
  3. placebo effect which could genuinely be improving my focus and attention in the short term
  4. my ADHD was so bad, that it took only a little of the Strattera in my blood to give it a kick - e.g. your car is out of gas, and all you need is a cup of gas to get to the gas station down the street
  5. aliens manipulated my brain while I slept
I think item #5 is the most unlikely.

I'm thinking it is probably mostly expectation bias (noticing the good stuff, not the bad), and maybe the sense of agency I have [developed] now that I've made steps to get on the meds... that alone could [ameliorate] my anxiety which in turn could improve my attention etc...

It's a tough one, but I should tell all readers [the point which you] are bringing up:

Don't expect significant improvements [on Strattera] for at least 4 to 6 weeks, and know that not all meds work for all patients. Sometimes you have to try out a few - including at various doses - to find something that works for you."
Another comment was an addition to this conversation:
Reader Comment:

"[Mungo:] I think that you might be on to something with the sense of agency you get from just starting treatment improving your concentration. I think that improvement might be from the decrease in the scatterbrainity that comes with anxiety. I know that is part of what's been helping me and that was without changing my medication. You might be on to something there."
If anyone has something else to add to this conversation, feel free to use the 'comment' feature at the bottom of this post.

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • Dr. Atila Turgay Dr. Kenny Handelman ow.ly/1WE3I
  • 3 Tips to Better ADHD Shopping | ADDaboy! - HealthyPlace ow.ly/1WN6f
  • ADD'ing it all up: Murphy schmurphy ow.ly/1WN6v
  • What Is It Like to Have ADHD? - HealthyPlace ow.ly/1WNvH
  • So I Married an ADDer: For Partners of People with AD/HD: Where Have All the Flowers Gone? ow.ly/1WRuM
  • Pinball Cognition: Help, I need an adult! Or rather, I did.... ow.ly/1WRvv
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 7 on Strattera - Focused in Meetings and No Side Effects ow.ly/17GYX3
  • Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D.is the author of 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD ow.ly/1X1MK - I highly recommend this book for all ADHDers!

Cheers,

Mungo

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June 10, 2010

Focused in Meetings and No Side Effects from Strattera

Well, nothing especially dramatic today happened.

I had 18 separate meetings today, most of them being brief annual employee evaluation one-on-ones where I asked questions about and discussed my staff's roles and all that sort of stuff. They're pretty tiring, especially when I booked most of them back to back. But I was able to focus on them completely. I'm normally good in one-on-one meetings because I find interacting with individuals really interesting.

But I also had group meetings. While I'm focusing really significantly better than I was a couple of weeks ago, I am more and more noticing my impulsivity trying to burst out with 'funny' comments. I don't think I'm more impulsive than before, but simply much more aware of my tendency. Now, some of my comments are funny.

At one point yesterday I explained to an ebullient and generally inappropriate sexist male director (who was hitting on one of my staff and asking if she likes to drink vodka because she is Russian) that "I have a feeling that the more vodka that you consume, the more attractive I would likely appear to you..." (Now, for full disclosure, in university one year my buddy and I dressed as hookers for the Halloween party and we were very unattractive as women. So basically, it would take a LOT of vodka for anyone to find me attractive, at least one looking for a woman...). Everyone chuckled. He back-pedaled, and I was able to regain control of the meeting. But there is a time and a place for everything. Perhaps that was okay, because it pushed him back, but in some meetings at my company, there are brutal undercurrents of rivalry and pettiness, and I need to stop being sensitive to that and trying to act as stand-up comedian referee, attempting to defuse the tension.

I don't think I can notice any side-effects today related to the Strattera. I think my anxiety has increased slightly because I find myself bruxing my jaw and teeth during the evening. But that too could be due to the change in the benzodiazapene from lorazepam to clonazepam, with its more gentle effect and softer time course of drug action. But I'm not shaking or quivering or trembling or wobbling or having a paroxysm (I'm running out of words here), so I guess the anxiety isn't all that bad.

I got a whole bunch of yard work done this evening. A bunch. A big ol' bunch. As my wife remarked after the fact with a look of awe and confusion in her face, it seemed due to an uncharacteristic 'burst of energy'. I also spent about 2 hours last night (until nearly midnight before I collapsed of exhaustion) cleaning the basement. The dog watched me from his supine position. He was trying to will me to go the hell to bed and shut the hell up. He's a good dog.

Maybe Strattera will make me clean stuff. Not obsessively, but from the already crazily messy state that I leave things in. Now THAT would be cool. Soon they'd be selling Strattera along with Mr. Clean Magic Erasers and those Swiffer floor cleaners:

"Take a tablet one hour before using our cleaning products and you'll be cleaning like you have never cleaned before."
I worked in advertising for a few months. You'll now understand why it was only a few months.

Anyway, enough of this. I have some Tweeting to do with my @mungosadhd account.

Plus I have some updates needed for my Mungo's Military blog which I opened recently (hyperactive enough for yah?!)...

Cheers,

Mungo

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Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD ow.ly/17FNuq
  • RT @drkenny: New blog post #ADHD: Generic Concerta in the US www.addadhdblog.com/generic-concerta-in-the-us/
  • RT @SplinteredMind: ADHD Meltdown: Ever get so busy that you forget a deadline or errand? How do you f... bit.ly/a1NKJN
  • RT @frankcoppola514: #adhd New Book About Adult ADHD: So a lot of you know that my husband has ADHD bit.ly/aMMeRF
  • New Book About Adult ADHD « My Crazy Story…In A [Perfect] Nutshell ow.ly/1W6ur
  • Positive effects of repetitive transcranial magnet... [World J Biol Psychiatry. 2010] - PubMed result ow.ly/1W6Uo
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in adult s. [World J Biol Psychiatry. 2010] - PubMed result ow.ly/1W6UH
  • ADD'ing it all up: It suits me. ow.ly/1W6Vx
  • Experiencing ADDvantages: What To Do When Hyperfocus Works Against You ow.ly/1W6VT
  • What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends ow.ly/1W6WF
  • 18 Channels - my ADHD colored life...: This was supposed to be an improvement... ow.ly/1W6WX
  • My ADHD Meltdown | ADDaboy! - HealthyPlace ow.ly/1W6YA
  • Generic Concerta in the US Dr. Kenny Handelman ow.ly/1W6YW
  • ADD'ing it all up: Seeing through the pain ow.ly/1WdVh
  • 18 Channels - my ADHD colored life...: Assault on my senses.... ow.ly/1Wwf5
  • #ADHD New Bl og Post: Day 6 on Strattera - Focus in Group Meetings, Noticing Those Who are Not the Sharpest Pencil in... ow.ly/17Gthp

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

June 9, 2010

Focus in Group Meetings, Noticing Those Who are Not the Sharpest Pencil in the Box and Road Non-Rage

Day 6 zoomed by today. I had lots of meetings and lots to do. I noticed I had nearly continuous focus during group meetings, and during one-on-one meetings. I just hope that isn't a blip or caused by something else, like cosmic rays, the position of the stars, my astrology sign, homeopathy, or other such scientifically-validated theories.

My desk remains cluttered at work, but differently cluttered than yesterday as I pulled out all sorts of stacks of paper from storage cabinets to go through them thusly:
  • recycle bin (60% of sheets)
  • garbage bin (20 % of sheets)
  • filed away to be recycled or disposed of later when I'm feeling braver (10%)
  • filed away to be referred to later (9%)
  • folded and placed in my pocket for later perusal (1%)
I was feeling irritated today. I felt like about 50% of the people with whom I work would benefit from a brain enlargement or at least a reverse-lobotomy, if there is such a thing...

I found myself shaking my head over and over again when I saw the responses people made to me and others. One way I coped with a particularly irritatingly blunt object that I met with for a while was to draw a small mark on my notepad everytime I noticed them being utterly unimaginative, intellectually dull and incurious. That is, denser than lead. At the end of my meeting, my page had 12 thin marks blended in with my notes. I think that is a healthy way to cope with stupidity, rather than zoning out and wishing I were among people who weren't big believers in folk psychology, and who weren't incredibly internally inconsistent in their attitudes, beliefs, opinions and responses to questions. Or zoning out and thinking about camping instead, while nodding enthusiastically at their expressions.

But I got through that. John Le Carre once wrote about a protagonist who used a mental trick to insulate him from an interrogator's intimidating questions - he simply imagined the interrogator wearing diapers and with a soother in his mouth. This gave the protagonist some mental distance to allow him to avoid becoming overwhelmed or confused during the interrogation. For me, I instead noted - or 'flagged' - instances of the person being stupid (I have high expectations for folks I work with - we do some very high level stuff sometimes) and recorded these occasions dispassionately.

I also noticed that driving to work this morning, while I was tempted to honk at road-idiots, I declined calmly and got back to my task at hand - guiding the vehicle in the general direction of work. This is interesting - as though I am getting control over some of my impulsive behaviours.

Anyway, it is almost midnight and the little boy wakes up at 5ish. So I must sleep and/or pull an all night write-a-thon. I'd prefer the former option.

Sleep well, my readers.

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD ow.ly/17EVBP
  • 5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive | World of Psychology ow.ly/1VAic
  • Your Brain on Computers - Attached to Technology and Paying a Price - NYTimes.com ow.ly/1VXIp
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 5 on Strattera - Focus and Continuity in Group Meetings ow.ly/17FBJ2

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

June 8, 2010

Focus and Continuity in Group Meetings

This post will be brief - it has been a long day and I am good 'n tired.

No negative side-effects noticed. I had 3 one-hour-long group meetings scheduled today where I needed to pay careful attention to each and every participants' discussions and presentations. And in each of them, I was able to maintain my concentration for the whole hour. I caught myself looking out the window at one point, but noticing it sort of happened at the same time that I did it.

I find this to be promising. I found myself working the whole day at work - not spending too much time fiddling about or wandering about.

I think the Strattera is beginning to take effect. We'll see though - it is very early still, and I would like to see consistency around any possible positive effects, and certainly a much more powerful or shall we say deeper effect. I'm still skating on the surface of what I think I can do with this medication.

My desk started getting messy at work, but I realized it wasn't because I'm slipping back into crazy multi-tasking and disorganization - but that all the papers and folders on my desk were there because I was actively tackling my work. My to do list is still long, but I'm getting there!

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD

Here is a roundup of my most recent Twitter posts from @MungosADHD.com:
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Daily Twitter Posting Roundup from @MungosADHD ow.ly/17E2MR
  • RT @PeterBrownPsy: (6/2010) Thich Nhat Hanh: A Leader In Mindfulness bit.ly/ahuRDL #mindfulness
  • ADD'ing it all up: The Bane of Chaos ow.ly/1V5VC
  • ADHD Medication: $4.2 Billion? Dr. Kenny Handelman ow.ly/1V5Xs
  • #ADHD New Blog Post: Day 4 on Strattera - Subtle Signs of Memory Improvement ow.ly/17EJiF

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

June 7, 2010

Subtle Signs of Memory Improvement in my Adult ADHD

I'll start this post off with pure excitement! I seem to be managing my constipation with stool softener (Docusate Sodium tablets) and so no return of the signs of the Venusian Tapeworms.

Phew. You can open your eyes now. It's okay. Sit down, have a sip of your milk and relax. Read on:

I think one of the more salient effects of ADHD for me I've noticed over the past couple of months (since I've been paying very close attention and reading a lot about ADHD) or so is feeling like I'm struggling on a journey from day to day, from hour to hour - bewilderingly wandering around a darkened building, moving from room to room, not quite sure where one ends, and where the next one begins. It's like I'm going on blind faith. No preparation, no carrying my calendar with me, no arriving early to make sure I'm ready to go. How can I if I can't even figure out the next location? It is like getting caught in a riptide, just struggling to swim, to get somewhere, anywhere. And constantly frustrated at myself for not preparing, for not getting anywhere, for repeating the same gosh-darned mistakes over and over again. Frustrating myself, and frustrating others - my closest friend, my wife. My friends, my family. It's like one of those anxiety dreams where you end up somewhere where you are supposed to be, but either late or way too early, and without the necessary items or without having prepared or studied for that exam etc...

You might notice the flowing nature of my previous paragraph. That's because this stuff is so familiar to me. I own it, it owns me - it is an easy habit. It reminds me of the etymological source of the word 'habit' - i.e. a habit was clothing monks wore, a piece of clothing they inhabited. A condition, demeanor, appearance, or dress.

Colleagues and friends could look at me and say 'Uhm, you seem confident, you seem certain, you seem experienced and okay' and wonder what all this struggling stuff is about. But - you see - I've learned over the decades to be very camouflaged. My impulsiveness was draped in a clever (or bizarre) sense of humour. My forgetfulness was managed with excuses and frantic catch-ups, and the not-so-occasional Hail Mary pass. My lack of preparation was mitigated by years of learning how to read subtle cues in language and body language so I could bullshit my way through stuff. Unfortunately, bullshitting myself through stuff is the perfect way to erode my self-esteem, my pride, of diminishing the possibilities of developing a sense that I am getting through stuff using honest, healthy, and ethical methods and means.

Today, and over the last couple of days, I found it it easier to decide to hold my tongue and avoid making a crack during a tense meeting to reduce the pressure on a colleague, to distract the attacker, or to fill an uncomfortable moment with humour or to interrupt someone with an impulsive non-sequitur. I'm finding myself more frequently saying 'alright, let's move on' to myself and breaking out of perseverative hyper-focusing.

Today I was imbued with a subtle sense of confidence and optimism. At work I am generally quite busy. Mondays are especially so, I find. I'm going from meeting to meeting, I have one on one meetings with staff members, and work on my own projects and deliverables. I observe my staff with the eyes and ears of a psychologist, and approach work as though I am in university learning new things and also enjoying sharing my knowledge and skills and working with colleagues towards the goal of education and learning about their skills and knowledge. Sharing. I enjoy my job.

But when I'm overwhelmed with all of that toxic stuff, it is hard to enjoy my job, and to be an effective listener, collaborator, educator, sharer.

Well, I don't know if it is the Strattera (in only 4 short days - not all that likely), but I feel like the light has come on in the darkened building a bit for me. I made my way through the day without anxiously consulting my calendar and to-do list and making notes with wide, worried eyes lest I forget things. I still caught myself a few times going places and having forgotten something, but I'm seeing those occasions as being more accidental or explainable due to factors other than working memory deficits.

It's like I just know what to do next. It's the weirdest thing to describe, such a subtle and odd sensation. Not quite confidence, and not quite certainty, but almost like that sense of freedom a kid gets when their bicycle's safety wheel is removed, and they find themselves riding about in zig-zags without falling or faltering.

So - a good day all in all. I know good days come with bad days, and I'll always have to work at this. I'm not being a Pollyanna, or succumbing to the Valence Effect - but I'm okay to feel good and confident today, knowing that tomorrow may bring something different.

Hope y'all had a good day, and are enjoying your evening. My wife is sleeping, recovering from a bad cold and a throat that she says feels like she's swallowed razor-blades (ouch). My little boy is fast asleep hugging his little teddy bear and looking cuter than anything in the whole universe. My dog is snoring gently in his doggie tent a few feet away. And it is time soon for me to go to sleep.

Cheers,

Mungo

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, perhaps you'd like to subscribe to the RSS feed.

You can also follow my tweets at Twitter.com/MungosADHD

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